AUBREY ! (>.<)

20.08.24 junkobluuuuuuuh so i dont wanna re-explain the whole hospital back thing so im gonna really hope that whoever reads this already knows but tldr ive been in hospitcal 4 my back and it hurted alot. and then my dad got sent 2 hospital and nearly died!!! i got high on ectasy and made up with makoto!!!!!!!! ivy said ill regret it. i dont know if i do yet.. i got a little annoyed by him talking over the videos constantly >:( but i think thats just autism bc i really like baldandbankrupt LOL. autism is so weird u get mad for the smallest things. Ugh. hands hurit from typing too. anothjer reason i wanted 2 get off as soon as possible from that vc..
back might keep me up too. this is nagito as fuck but maybe im just a stepping stone 4 people relationship wise like breaking the ice so they know how to act to their future partners. i think bpd. sigh.
also i dont remember last night lol thanks amitriptlyne.. apparently i was very incoherent and my brother didnt address what i said so! win? idk
my arms hurt too.. wait can i say why here? its my website why wouldnt i.. yea i cut!! yeah!!! And im not proud of it but i can say it atleast because when i was high i asked makoto if he found them pretty.. he said he found scars pretty but not open wounds. maybe i need to cut deeper so there are even more!! i like the feeling and the aftermath but cant lick the blood or power fronts and gets all angry and karkaty!
my back huuuurts..... painkillers save me save me painkiller ok taken made me feel sicky but taken buuh. idk what else to write? dnd is going good.. i like aster alot and burt died a bit but ill revive it with my ideas for aijinee. ok.. im done probably

25.08.24 junkoyeaaah so he was absolutely using me wasn't he. either that or he's just stupid as hell, or maybe both! probably both. atleast it killed any love for him i have left? siiigh. men are confusing! do you want my body or not you stupid self loving assholes!!!! whatever atleast i look good in the pics i sent him and didnt share any ACTUAL nudes despite how many times he asked!! i think the closest he got was a picture of my shitty tattoos LOL try jacking off to the teddy and renny reminders :skullemoji: anyways... diagnosed!!!!!! i wanna find groups for people w/ fibromyalgia and stuff to see if they have any good methods for dealing w/ pain and shit :3 also make new friends!!!!!!
but yeah main thing on my mind is how i was once again. disposable.
i guess im not surprised though! just a girl <3
he was so self centered.. everything was really about him and how he felt never taking into consideration how i feel. he says he's selfless to feel better about the fact he's so egotistical and sheltered that the moment someone outside his bubble speaks to him they start sobbing. jesus christ, metro is more fun to hang around with because atleast they dont start whinining and blubbering whenever they're insulted even minorly!!!!!!!!!
im just mad a year anmd a bit of a relationship was really for nothing lol. I was just blinded by the concept of him, not the actual person. aragaki helped me differentiate the two. antywaysss i should get back to finishing those refs lol no rest 4 the wicked! <3

26.08.24 junkook so it’s like 4 am but whatevverrr im just adding some more art 2 the archive and drawing and stuff…, played a lot of fort today with skaia and I FINALLLYYYYYY finished the mai ref but still ughhh feeling #unproductive is a CURSE. i also found out 80% of my issues are caused by fibromyalgia so that sucks but at least i can get money from it maybe… yahooo only one way to find out
sometimes i look back at a few days ago what i was writing and i go wow how am i alive how am i allowed 2 be host and why haven’t we changed our name yet. Always hated it…

04.11.24 marcyor junko i guess that’s what most people would know me by if they only knew me from these blogs. sorry!! i’ve been out of front for bpphhh.. months. 3 ish. powers done a great job in the time i’ve been gone though! better than me, i think.. i’ll update this more tomorrow. it’s 5!! AM!or now. um i guess aragaki doesn’t exist anymore! haha! he broke up with me! and everybody says i used him. did i? i don’t.. i don’t think i did. i loved him. a lot. was this because i wasn’t around? maybe he just. stopped feeling the same? and i didn’t want to address or even admit this but nepeta doesn’t remember anything and ema DEPISED ME she was sobbing and begging people to merge her. so it is my fault. so maybe i’m the bad person maybe makoto wasn’t ever bad to me! maybe the reason a path of broken hearts follow me is because it’s my fault. maybe i shouldn’t. date or relationship again i never want to again. i’m just gonna go back to putting everything on private and if benjamin asks power i don’t exist anymore and i never did. please. thank you. you can have this logbook if you want for now, you’ve been really nice about all of this! bye bye!!

02.02.25 marcyjust marcy please! i dont like being called anything other than that now which is funny! i think this is the last update this blog will get. maybe some people still check it. if they do.. you should stream flavor foley on spotify or itunes! me and my boyfriend love their songs, and especially jamieps tuning!
id say im pretty happy now. i have friends that i know care about me. my boyfriend is the sweetest thing on this planet and despite everything, im not just a weapon or an object of affection or the villain. im marcy! and marcy is flawed, and creative and beautiful inside and out and she will continue to grow and learn with age and time. maybe she'll regret things she did, or maybe she'll stand by them. but the point is that she made those choices, and there's no point in looking back anymore. all i can do is blaze my own trail.
thank you for reading, all of this. this blog has encompassed my darkest moments and now my brightest. im sure that this isnt the end. maybe it never was and i was too blinded to see it, but now i know it. lets start a new journey. goodbye, and thank you again. it's been a pleasure, and i mean it.the shining star burns brighter than them all.
- marcy <3

11.01.26 marcya whole year nearly. i kinda forgot about this place until i was going over rentry links with a friend and it was linked and well here we are after a bit of brute forcing. im not with that boy anymore, its my fault admittedly. i dont think every relationship i ever caused was my own flaws but, that one was for sure. i do hope he's well.i still go by marcy! i love my name. i use marie sometimes too cause it sounds similar :P my journey has been amazing. im finally at a place i can keep looking up towards at. that i can keep hoping for a better and better future no matter how dark it seems or how the tides turn.and most of all my happiness wont be reliant on others. i wont do things for others i dont create for aragaki, or metro or makoto, or my 'adoring' fans. i create for me. and i love that i do. i dont think i can get into a relationship again for a while. it's been a year and i've been single now, i've been envious sure! but i havent met the one and im not planning to anytime soon.isnt it funny? this started off as a website. now thats what i do for a living! making them! im not gonna transfer it. im tired, and i make alot of things alot more impressive than a silly static webpage. plus, the domain cost? ugh i just dont wanna i pay like a hundred already a year XPthe other day i noticed makoto set his pfp on discord to monitoring by deco 27.. its a song i heavily related to after he groomed me. i got really upset at first but, now i dunno. its kinda sad to see he hasnt changed his style of love. i relate to it because thats what he made me think it was. but i relate to the best friend remix alot more! i want to care. i want to love truly and wholy with no strings attached, does it have to be romantic? as long as i love with all my heart, is romantic all that matters? i dont think it is because i love my friends and my brother and my godmother so so much!!! i love my creations and my stories and my websites.if.. youre one of them you know who you are, if youre reading this, hi! yeah, im well! im happy! i'm not gonna stop creating, and im not gonna stop loving the world or myself or my friends anytime soon. even if i cant express how much i love them, they know it. bonds make the world go roundlets never stop creating okay?
marmar :3see you all in a year!!!!! <3